playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
