..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
