Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
honey bunches of taint.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
