I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize