Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
