Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
