I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.