Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND