I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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