I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
