maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Terrible idea I love it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
