3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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