I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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