Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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