I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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