Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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