I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
