I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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