Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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