Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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