No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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