the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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