When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
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Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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