Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
