Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
