i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just come out here and I will go home with you...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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