you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
