she smelled like a LAN party
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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