its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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