The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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