I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
