im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
