well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
