he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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