That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
