she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
