apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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