yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
