He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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