Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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