Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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