so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
