I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
