There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
