She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
