she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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