It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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