Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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