did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
