If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
