hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
