Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
