I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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