what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
