That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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