I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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