Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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