So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
