i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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