I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
